today marks the day of my two year anniversary on neocities. im really proud of how hard ive worked on my site and the result of it, despite it not being very well coded lol. however, recently ive decided i want to build a online portfolio and aim to make something of myself, my real self. much of this site ive kept a secret, except for checkmate, my site mascot (next to baphomet/tte). i have a real plush of checkmate and regularly post irl pictures with him. one of my fears has always been someone in my real life finding this blog, recognizing checkmate and realizing its run by me. a lot of the things ive displayed on this site are very vulnerable and honestly somewhat melodramatic, and im sure many of you understand this fear as fellow havers of mental illnesses and lovers of the macabre lol. back to making an online portfolio, i want to create youtube videos and even stream on twitch, having it be centered around a lot of the things ive mentioned i enjoy on this blog (fashion, anime, art, etc). i plan on continuing using checkmate as a mascot, but not using baphomet/tte as a persona. im not sure if i want to delete this site, because ive worked so hard on it and i still like a lot of the art featured and the adventure it offers; but to be completely honest, i'm terrified of my real identity getting traced back to this site and a lot of the harsh and unfiltered things ive written about in my various journals. especially considering today’s climate where a lot of things are taken out of context and hate is bandwagoned on without critical thinking. and to be even more honest, im worried of people just finding this site cringey being the target of mockery :(. since the creation of this blog, i always thought it would be cool to develop a game or something centered around the characters and themes of this blog, but honestly i just dont have the skill (as you can see by my coding) and i just dont love it as much as i love other concepts i have. i dont really have motivation to update this blog as much as i used to. this isnt really a goodbye but i dont know how active im going to remain on this … i dont want to babble much longer, so all ill say for now is thank you♥ i hope we can meet again